Thursday, March 20, 2008

"Things I Love" Thursdays - New York Bloggers

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. It's right up there with New York City's newspaper headlines.

Here's one reason why from BNR ... just as I was considering a second job (no pun intended ... unless it will get me $5500 an hour):

Tuesday, March 11, 2008
by Todd
Super Updated UPDATE!
Pissed and Petty gave us the link for pictures! Go look!

Update: Does anyone have a picture of this woman? I really need to see what "Kristen, the attractive brunette" (who can charge $32,000 for a night) looks like. Seriously, someone find me a picture of this woman.

What in the world makes a prostitute worth $32,000 a night? What does she do that raises her rates above the $30,000 line?

My thoughts:
- 100% absolute total discretion*
- Transportation is included. Airfare, cabs, hansoms. You know, the works.
- She cleans while you're "recovering". Dusting is included. She also does windows.
- Your shoes will shine.
- She'll "springs ahead" all the clocks in the apartment. She'll also do your watches and that VCR you haven't set since 1998.
- You know how your closet needs to be reorganized? Consider it done.
- Your initials waxed into her crotch. In cursive.
- Boss giving you shit? She'll seduce him and then sue for sexual harassment.
- Wife giving you shit? She'll seduce her and then tape it for you.
- She'll teach you Latin.
- She'll tuck you in afterwards, read you a story, and rub your back until you fall asleep.
- You'll wake to a pressed suit, a mint under your pillow, and that lingering feeling of guilt that one day the public will eventually learn of your ridiculously hypocritical behavior.

Later, -T-Audentes fortuna iuvat* - kinda

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From a response Todd left on a recent post on BNR:
He asked, "Lord what about when there was only one set of footprints, and also a straight line with bootprints on one side and small, round circles on the other?"

The Lord replied, "Those were the times that you passed out drunk and a pirate carried you in a wheelbarrow."

I swear, New York Bloggers ... they have the OMG posts and comments that make you actually LOL in your HTML. But Todd, please don't fall for the Christmas Blend marketing ploys!

"Things I Love" Thursdays are inspired by "I Love New York" (BNY, February 14, 2007).

1 comment:

Todd said...

Christmas Blend is like a mother to me!

But in all seriousness, thanks :) You're one of my favorite bloggers!