Thursday, July 06, 2006

Headline News

So I get into work this morning (the university job), pull up the Internet and what is one of the top news stories this morning? Updates on Baby Shiloh's first month. Wow. This is news? I am sure her first month has been luxurious and comfortable. I mean, what other life would a newborn lead who made $4 million dollars within her first week of life? And she's already a philanthropist, having donated the entire lump sum to charity. What a baby!

In all seriousness, I don't wish either way for the media to leave the Jolie-Pitts alone or to stalk their every move. On one hand, it has to be annoying for them; on the other, that's part of the biz and what makes them rich. But I care as much about their baby as they will about mine, if I ever have one. It's just roll-your-eyes, bang-your-head-on-your-keyboard, gag-you-with-your-ballpoint-pen annoying that this is front page news when there are so many more important issues in the world. And I hate to feel that way about a baby because this is undoubtedly one of the most important and cherished times of a new parent's life. I am sure Angelina knows what the real national and international issues are (I'm assuming because we've never actually met), but she admirably takes time away from her fabulous Hollywood life to confront those issues face-to-face. So she may understand why people like me are going, "Baby Shiloh Headlines? Come on. Really?"

But for some morning comic relief, here's a little bit that I like from last month (on
Hazzah! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie gave birth to their new baby girl, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt (well, Angelina did most of the work), reports People Magazine.

The baby was born May 27 in Namibia, and will soon be crowned supreme Ruler of the Known Universe, and has been betrothed to Suri Cruise for the first ever Baby Lesbian Super Celebrity Marriage Extravaganza. To be broadcast on Pay-Per-View. She will then be a guest judge on American Idol.

All hail Supreme Ruler of the Known Universe, the Great and Mighty, All-Knowing, All-Seeing, Perfect Being - Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. We are yours to command as you see fit. May God keep you, and protect you for all of your days. Amen.

And from a mass email I sent out last month to commemorate the occasion with 100+ of my closest friends in my Yahoo! address book:
From - People magazine has reportedly won the Shiloh Jolie-Pitt picture sweepstakes - for a price of $4.1 million. Every weekly magazine editor was summoned to the New York offices of the Getty photo agency late Saturday night to see the first pictures of the newborn. Once the pictures were shown, the bidding war began. A source says: "We were sequestered into separate and un-air-conditioned offices. The photos were shown to us around 10 p.m. to midnight, and then we had to submit bids by 6 a.m. Sunday morning. No one got any sleep at all, as it was a manic game of phone-tag to top each other's bids. I'm convinced it was Brangie's revenge on the weekly magazines."

This baby is not even a week old and has already made $4 million. Unless Brad Pitt is carrying some dormant mutant gene, it is scientifically impossible for this kid to turn out anything other than absolutely gorgeous. Her life will not be any different. She and big sister Zahara will be the next Paris and Nikki Hilton. If I was this kid, I swear, I wouldn't even bother to learn to read.

Katie's Opinion: There is something seriously wrong with this world when we have wars, famine, poor education, and I'm still not married to Matthew McConaughey, AND YET someone will pay over $4 million for pictures of this baby.

Oh yea ... other major headlines of the day: I have to work tonight at the crab shack, and 25 days until I move to New York City!

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