Another late night at the office. Arrived back in the Bronx at 10 p.m. One of Tokii's neighbors, sitting on the front stoop of her apartment building, was breaking up some weed and removing the seeds in preparation for a cigar he had split in his lap. You know what's even funnier than a guy casually rolling a blunt on the front stoop of your building? These craigslist ads:
"No kitchen ... but I'll throw in a new microwave for free. No full-size refrigerator ... cut down your grocery bill with dorm-size frig. Share bathroom with other studios on the floor ... make new friends. 5th floor walk-up ... get daily exercise. Not a lot of space ... but step outside of the building right into Soho. If you just need a place to sleep, this is the deal for you. Soho studio for only $1350/mon."
"$750 Includes Gas & Electric!!Prvt Bath, 24DM,Laund,W101st!!Instant Appvl!! This will probably be the smallest studio you have ever seen BUT it is extremely affordable for this area AND you get a real "BANG FOR THE BUCK"!!Amenities included are: 24HR Doorman 24HR Security Camera Surveillance on all floors 2 Elevators Laundry Room Free WIFI Right on BROADWAY and less than 2 minutes from the 1,2,3 trains Short walk to Columbia University ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED (HEAT, HOT WATER, GAS & ELECTRIC)!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK ALL YOU WANT!! You won't find this anywhere in the area for this price!! This is a renovated matchbox studio. It does come w/ a microwave & small fridge, no stove**. It does have a private bathroom. You do get your own apt# and mailbox. If you bring in an A/C, the building will install it for you. Mostly young professionals and students in the building. You can get approved on the spot if you bring a deposit and paperwork. Please make at least 28k and have good standing credit to apply. GUARANTORS OK FOR STUDENTS!! QUICK PROCESS!! 6 month or 1 year lease available. I can have you sign your lease TODAY!! Email me with any inquiries. My name is Paul."
"Does size really matter??? I hope not because this apartment is really small beyond anything you can imagine. But for students and young professionals that just need a place to call their own it doesn’t get better than this I guarantee it!!! Expect an amazing number of accommodations that come along with this great small apt. The prewar elevator building is fully staffed with a maintenance crew that cleans the building throughout all day! There is 24HR camera surveillance in EACH FLOOR, 24hr doorman and LIVE-IN super. Listen I don’t mean to brag too much about this apt but the fact is its A GREAT DEAL!!! Located in the Heart OF THE UPPER WESTSIDE gives it the convenience of also being close to the 1, 2 and 9 trains (only 4 min walk). The studio has its own small refrigerator, fully tilled bathroom for total privacy, big window that allows the sun to immerse the studio with sunlight. Laundry on premises and all the UTILITIES ARE INCLUDED (heat, gas, electric and hot water). Income of 36K and good credit is required or guarantor. Columbia University students more than welcome (50% of tenancy is Columbia). Call my cell direct for an exclusive appointment."
Another one I saw recently was a 7'x13' studio, and to quote the listing: "no kitchen, but w/sink; 3rd floor of a 5 story building" for $1050/mon + utilities.